I went into cardiac arrest 4 times while in the emergency department. Bi til I die shirt It was due to long sudden death syndrome. The first time was not painful at all, I remember talking to my sister. My husband called an ambulance because I had been vomiting blood nonstop and been unable to pee for hours. The pain had been awful but more importantly, I felt so off I had this sense of doom like I was in danger. Once there, I vomited a few times and started to feel better, enough that they let my younger sister in the room see me. Ironically enough I had told her I felt better and that I probably wouldn’t be here very many hours. She started saying something but I didn’t hear her.
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I just remember looking at her, she just looked like an old photo, fading…everything turned very still and fading into black like I was losing my vision. That was the real last coherent memory I have before my heart stopped. It happens to fast for me to become alarmed. To say “something’s wrong with me!” I didn’t realize my heart was stopping. I wasn’t in distress or scared because everything happened so quickly. My sister and husband in the room said I wouldn’t respond and that my eyes stayed wide open. I know that is the part that disturbed them the most, to see my eyes so wide open and dead. To this day I can’t space off, stare out deep in though because I’m greeted in panic by both my sister and husband. They are forever scarred by that moment of seeing me that way.
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Even after years now. Bi til I die shirt if I get that look, one of them will shake me and say, is your heart ok?! I feel so guilty every time I see their look of panic, how traumatized they are by that single moment. What did I look like? A corpse with eyes wide open staring at them? Was it that bad? My sister still gets nightmares. Sometimes I can’t help but want to know how badly I looked. I regret admitting this but something between my sister and I’s relationship forever altered that night, and not in a positive way. Somethings no one should see.
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Click to buy: Bi til I die shirt
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Guys tee |
V-neck |
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